Plan-Do-Study-Act Cycle Rejuvenates a Marriage

For nearly 18 years of our marriage, my wife and I had a game. I would say “I love you” on the phone to her, especially when I knew she would be among a group of her coworkers.

She would reply giggling, as if I were tickling her, “Me too,” too embarrassed to return the reply in public.

“Me too what?” I would prod her.

“You know … .”

“I am not getting off the phone until you say it,” I would insist.

Sometimes I would win the battle, and she would whisper “I love you.” At other times, I would have to settle for “Me too.” Either way, the encounter always added that special charm to our relationship.

But somewhere along the way, things had changed. My “I love you” would be greeted with an indifferent “Yaa … yaa,” a sign of the low point that our relationship had begun to touch.

Recently, after months of getting the cold shoulder, I ventured to ask her, “So, what did I do wrong?”

“You know exactly what you did,” she replied dismissively.

Was it that I took a 2-day break in the middle of our 2-week vacation to deliver a lecture to senior executives? Or that I did not help the kids with their homework during exam week? Or that I was 3 days late in picking up her prescription medications?

I feared opening Pandora's box, but my wife did not. After our 3 children were asleep, lists of reasons poured forth.

“Where should I start?” After some 15 minutes, her bottom-line was, “Your priorities are screwed up—your kids and your wife are simply not in the top 3 on your to-do list anymore.”

I reassured her that on my to-do list, I had “home,” under which …