sunken in stiff white pillows
flushed and bloated
drugged to hide gasps with giggles
making us smile, as usual.
I explained the tests,
IVs, medications.
We'll take care of you.
You will feel better.
You made the right decisions.
nights of nausea
adriamycin, cytoxan.
identity combed away.
shame of a scar where
breast cancer
had eroded to bone.
tilted, unbalanced
propped up by lifeless foam padding.
daily visits to metal tables
surrounded by lightening machines
to help
and hurt.
a spot on the CT.
red-orange puckered blotches, frowning
growing across her chest.
Visiting in her home
darkened by uncertainty
frightened by pain
unable to deny
the progressive inevitable.
Not yet, I responded
to unspoken questions
September winds
covered her
growing gardens.
knotted in pain
from planting
she said they would bloom forever
Sixty over palpable, I confirmed,
sunken in my stiff white coat.
once laughing lips, parched and blue
clamped and cold
straining to fight the invasion
let me go, she said
it's time.
I love you mom
was all I could do.